the-open-book: all you can see.

*nonton bola* cowo:”ayo serang! Awas! Goblok! Goool!” | cewe: “iiiiiihh ganteeeeng! Yg itu jg cakep bangeett!”

itu adalah tweet seseorang (cowo) yang gue follow di twitter.

setuju sama isi tweet itu? well, I’m not.

tweet itu mengindikasikan bahwa komentar cewe waktu nonton bola yang kegirangan liat kegantengan pemainnya itu sesuatu yang salah, atau at least lebih ga penting daripada merhatiin pertandingan bolanya. (ini kepikiran karena yang ngetweet, dan ngeretweet ini bergender pria)

emang apa sih salahnya admire and appreciate beauty? men do that too, everytime, rite? and we (society) never found that silly or something worthy to be commented upon. kesannya yang cewe yang komentar kaya gitu tuh ga pinter, ga ngerti olah raga, salah fokus, dan ganggu. so what sih kalo emang ada orang yang prefer untuk lebih fokus sama hal lain karena memang ga tertarik atau ga ngerti sama hal gedenya yang menurut beberapa orang lain lebih penting? ini kan masalah perspektif.

susah emang ngubah pandangan sexist yang udah terlalu mengakar. menurut gue, sifat atau karakter manusia itu seharusnya gender neutral dan diasosiasikan pada manusia, bukan gender. karena sifat dan karakter itu socially construct, bukan dikasih sama Tuhan. Tuhan cuma menuntun kita untuk memilih satu jalan diantara jalan yang lain. keputusan untuk memilih sepenuhnya ada di tangan kita. dan kita sangat mungkin untuk terpengaruh oleh kehidupan sosial, apapun bentuknya.

apa salahnya sih dengan jadi cewe yang ngomentarin kegantengan pemain bola? kaya yang lo komentarnya bener aja.

I miss to have someone to talk to.

Oh wait, I have friends around here.

Okay fine, I miss you.

You hate the rain. You want it to stop.

You hate the sunlight. You’ll look for shadow to cover.

That’s what you say because you’re not home.

Yap, that’s me. I’m mommy’s little girl.

It’s not some cliche. It’s true.

You see, everytime I do something, my mom always criticize me. Like, for example, just some days a go, I applied eyeliner on my face, by myself. And for me, and other fellas in the room, it was actually not that bad for a beginner. But, my mom was like:

M: Kamu apa-apaan sih pake gituan segala?

H: Cuma nyobain ko, Mi. Iseng aja pengen liat what my face will look like kalo pake eyeliner. Bagus kan?

M: Bagus apanya. Engga ah, kaya orang udah dewasa aja. Ga usah pake yang kaya gitu deh. Belum pantes.

That’s one. Another time, when we were shopping and sorting some clothes for me, everytime I pick up some clothes I see people my age wear in magazine or in real life, and ask her opinion, she said:

H: Kalo yang ini gimana?

M: *geleng kepala* Engga ah. Terlalu dewasa buat kamu.

H: Kalo ini?

M: Ih, ga cocok buat kamu. Carinya yang buat anak muda dong. Kamu kan masih anak-anak.

Well, it’s not happen all the time. But it actually happens a lot of time.

Sometimes, I just want to say something like: “Well, guess what mom, I’m 20 now. I am dewasa enough to wear something like that.” But since she got the money, so yea, I don’t say it out loud.

But come to think of it, I understand now that my mom implicitly saying “You are my little girl, and will always be.” I find it sweet that she sees me as her little girl.

I don’t know. Maybe she doesn’t want her oldest daughter to grow up really fast and then leave her. Or maybe… I don’t know. I might not understand it now, but maybe in the future when I have my own daughter, I’ll get what she really means.

But one thing for sure, I know that she loves me. She wants only the best for her little girl. She wants me to walk in the right path, not hastily nor too slow. She wants me to be just fine. And really, I don’t want to dissapoint her.

I love you, Mom.

Sincerely, your (forever) little girl.